"I find this offensive"

Definition of "offending" :  to cause (a person or group) to feel hurt, angry, or upset by something said or done.

Now that we know what it means, what does it do? Ever since we invented "racism", religion, and more like that, we see different opinions about subjects. We fight, we argue, we feel "offended". So in a way it can be seen as an emotion. When it comes to emotions and opinions, we're in the grey. There's no black or white area on this. Everybody should be allowed to have their own opinion about things. However, this entire post might even be considered offensive for even bringing it up. I ask you not to judge right away, read it "from a distance" instead of feeling this is aimed at you. It's not. It's just one of my rants again and the chances are high that I don't even know you :)

I personally think "feeling offended" is something people say much too often. Simply stating facts can hit close to home. While they really just are facts. There should be no emotions when discussing such.

This shirt is black. "Oh hell NO, you're just being offensive now"... Really?

The biggest groups feeling hurt (and so, offended) all the time, are those involved with religion and racism. I won't start at religion, because in my opinion, all that really is, is a floating idea to a "better" place for scarred (poor/depressed/scared/lost) people who need something to live forward to. It's fine if you believe in something, but don't get mad at me that I don't. Yes I'm godless and totally fine with that, thank you.

What I do want to talk about is racism. I don't support it, but I don't believe in it either. In my eyes, every person is equal. We all have the same guts inside of us, and we're all human. We differ from animals, which is enough for me. I agree, some groups are not treated as equal. I'm not okay with that. But still, if everyone would be treated the same, and could let go of their differences, I'm sure the world would be alot more peaceful.

I find it hard to see the groups who are feeling the most offended, often use racism in their advantanges. That's just wrong. How can you want to be equal if you're only using racism to prove you're a victim. Sure like I said before, not everyone is treated as equals. But, be honest. Would you treat a chicken like a penguin? No. So stop trying to be different! Get out of that victim role and start behaving yourself as an equal.

"People will always walk over the weak. That's just how people are. Don't act weak, so you avoid being walked over."

Just an example, and yes I know some of you will not approve, but that's okay.
I often hear black Americans (yes I'm being specific here because Europeans do it a whole lot less) say things like they feel offended by something, and the argument they use is "but black people were slaves". 

Well, did you know there were (and still are) more white slaves than black slaves? Sure, it sucks. But you live in the now, and you aren't a slave, so how does that even matter? You don't hear white people say this! They don't act like victims. They all know about slavery too, but it's not their fault either. That was something of the past. Leave it there and move on.

Look at fat people. (Most) are nice, and don't call skinny people names for no reason. Sure, maybe a joke here and there but that should be okay. After all it's just a joke -.- But then the other party, the skinny people, do call fat people names. I don't get that. Really, what did they even do to you? It's almost like they're jealous. You don't know what lies beneath (pun intended) "all that fat", just like they won't know what's up with you.

I've learned myself not to judge based on emotions, but facts. I can get mad at my red sweater all day, but that doesn't make it purple! Learn to let go. To step aside, breathe, and look at things in another perspective. Put your differences aside and look at what you got in common. It's probably more than you think.

"If we want a better world, we would have to start with ourselves."

(Cyber) Bullying

Bullying is something you see often. Kids being called names by others kids, or even grown ups. I don't like it when I see it, and I'm someone who opens their mouth when it shows.

"Go pick on someone your own size."

I know, right? In real life you can do this. However, on the net that becomes alot more difficult. Most of us teach our kids to walk away and ignore the bullies. To go get help from the teachers when it happens at school. Or ring the nearest doorbell you find when on the streets.

"If they want stuff from you, don't give it. Because once they got it, they will use you again."

Most kids that get bullied stand out already. But theres really nothing wrong with being yourself. Alot of bullied kids get emotional problems, or stay scarred for a long time. Yet I can't bring myself to stay mad at the bullies either. Most of those kids and adults have had problems at home, causing them to get emotionally scarred as well. However that doesn't mean I'm okay with them bullying others. I just think we should start at the root of the problem.

"Bullying and acting-out behavior is a cry for help. Well, most of the time anyway."

That is often the parents. No, I'm not accusing anyone of anything, but there's a big world out there and even as a parent you might not always see the danger your child is in. Some parents raise their children too protective, some too loose with no boundaries. Emotional attachment is important too, but not too much. You want your child to feel loved, not suffocated. Give them enough space to develop themselves, but also try to keep them safe from harm.

"Everyone should be given the chance to become who they want to be."

I'm sure by now most parents will hate me, so let's go back to the start.
Cyber bullying. Much more dangerous than the old skool personal vendettas. The internet is a great place for information, but also the perfect tool to emotionally destroy as well. Our children should be taught the dangers of the net. If not, there's a big chance they will find out the hard way. Literally everything you post on the net is public.

"Everything can, and will be used against you."

Yeah, pretty much. But things like chat logs and such also get saved on the net. Perfect to blackmail someone who's cheating on their partners, or finding frauds, perverts, etc. Cyber bullying comes in many forms and theres often not much you can do about it. Still, it often develops into slander (bad mouthing) rather then just a prank or whatever. Thats why we should all keep an eye on eachother when posting photos, updates etc. Sensitive information should be left out so you can never really become a target.

"Private matters should remain private."

So, what can you do when you see someone being cyber bullied? Or when it's you who is being bullied?
When it involves children only, try to contact the parents and/or school to have them talk it out. You can also go to the police if it becomes really bad.
If you don't know who the other party is, all you can really do is try to contact the bully and explain to them why you don't like what they do. If they do not listen, you can try to contact a site admin. You can go to the police for this too, but unless it's severe, I doubt they'll be of much help.

"Above all, try to remain calm. They will only like it when you struggle."

If you see someone being publicly slandered or harassed, like on a forum or chatroom, you can of course try to defend them. However, contacting an admin is probably the best idea there. That way you'll avoid becoming a target yourself. And nobody can accuse you of anything you didn't do.

"How can you protect someone without getting cover yourself first?"

Sometimes it's a good idea to get help in a community before acting on your own. This is what I usually do before contacting an admin. It doesn't always work though. There's a chance they have friends there, which - if you ask for help - will make you look like the bad guy. As if it wasn't bad enough already! Well, in the end, it's important to keep it in the back of your mind:

"Some people are just like that. They don't change. It's just sad."

Facebook abuse

Okay, I'm not entirely sure if the title says what I'd like to discuss... But here goes!

You know, those random adds on Facebook, well they don't really bother me. I'm a free spirit, a gamer, and I'm always in to make more friends. Or at least to get to know more people. I love to connect with other gamers. They always intrigued me much more than the regular folks.

Well anyway, what does bother me is that apparently none of those non-gamers (or at least most of them) won't read your profile. My profile, for example, shows all details you could possibly want to know about me, so you won't have to ask me. And so I won't have to answer the same questions over and over again. All information on it is information I'm willing to share. Private information is of course private and even if you ask me, you might not get the answer you want. You see, I need intelligent people around me, people who challenge me to use my brain. If you can't keep up with me it's highly likely that I'll lose any interest I might have had.

Then, reliligous posts. Something I absolutely do not get. I just don't understand religion. In my opinion it's just floaty business that the lower class (as in needy people) needs. It's fine if you believe in something. That's your right. But leave me out of it. You will not get any understanding from me so just don't even try okay! So all those "Omg this girl is so sad let's hear an amen" posts... I don't want to see them. They are attention seeking posts and I absolutely hate attention seeking people. Yes life is unfair. It sucks ass and theres nothing you can do about that. Saying amen really isn't going to change anything. All you can do is look at it positively. And yes that's always an option.

Being female on any social media can be a real pain. Unwanted friend requests, chats, calls via messenger and yes even nudity photo's! Aside from the annoying fact that nobody even bothers looking at your profile (yes you can actually add people at random without checking it). All those inappropriate questions like what size my bra is or if I like doggystyle is really none of your business and very disrespectful. It shows no respect to women in general if you open a chat with questions like that, or nudity photo's. So, you send me a photo of your c*ck. Great, so now what? You want me to pet it? Get a life. Learn some respect for women and then come back and show you're a man instead of a mommy's boy. Because that's all they really are... Disrespectful little kids with mommy issues that no woman would ever want to date, or have a relationship with.

I think I can say for sure, that everyone has had the coming problem with some people... Monotone dialogs. "How are you?" "Good thanks, you?" "I'm good too!" "Okay!" And there it ends. Yet somehow some people manage to do this every day, to the same people over and over again. One must wonder why. I really don't understand people who ask me how I'm doing. The only answer you'll ever get (unless we're close or family) is "fine ty". This also cuts off further chatting on purpose. It's a subtle hint that most people don't seem to understand. Why would you even want to know? If it's to show interest, then why not chat about gaming? Or crochet or music or something... How I feel is really not of any interest, nor helping anybody. I need useful chats. This will just have me lose interest.

So you may think now, what a difficult woman. Well, maybe to some. But most of my friends call me a dude for a reason. I'm not into all that floaty sh*t. I'm a Taurus, down to earth, loving facts and intelligent conversations. Many of you won't understand me. And that's totally fine. I don't chat to be understood. I chat to be challenged, to find out what other people think about certain things. See if i can understand why they think that. 

Challenge me to use my brain and I won't get bored.

Me and Gaming

Back when I was a little teen, my father didn't want me playing online games. I had a pc since I was 6 years old, starting out with MS Dos. After that, everytime running a different windows when they got it released. My father has a high function in a pc company, so back in the days he could use my pc to upgrade and test things out.

Kitsu Saga

Anyway the first time I started playing an MMO, I got hooked. I loved the diversity that single player games didn't have. I wasn't ready for the community either, but I got along quite well with guildies. I've played Shaiya for almost 2 years. I did take breaks. Then I would play Kitsu Saga. Another game which left a huge impact on my life. This game caused me to find my best online friend, Ro. I loved him so much I started calling him my brother. After Kitsu Saga died, we kept in touch and I've always kept on looking for a game like that. Meanwhile Ro also went on with his life and we talked less.

Shaiya

That's when I found TERA. I started playing this with my first ever bf (after we broke up, we stayed friends), Mtarnuhal. We started out on a pvp server, then switched to a pve server because of high levels camping 24/7 which annoyed me as f*ck xD. There I started my own very first guild. I assumed Mtarnuhal would reign with me but after a while it appeared he thought differently. There was a coup. I thought I did a good job and the guild was very tight, but some people started stirring to create conflict amongst officers and the other members. Causing to doubt me. The reason they gave me eventually was "that I'm too emotional".

Well then, you try fighting your way through every day! BPD is hard. It sucks. Every day is a f*cking struggle. And of course I missed my contact with Ro, and my current bf only trashed me. I felt involved with people who loved me, who trusted me, who put their confidence in me. I worked hard ever day for the sake of the guild and all people in it. I made plenty of sacrifices to be there when they needed me.
Anyhow, I had no choice but to stand down, watching them take over. I did it for the sake of the community we had built up. Or as it would seem, I had built up by myself. Sadly, they let it die not long after. My sacrifice was in vain, as I watched it getting torn apart more and more. They even ignored me when it was my birthday. I decided to quit the game because it became too hard on me.

Looking back, this has been a huge impact on my life (roughly 4 years of playing). I decided to stop putting my trust in people that I could never really know. To be more confident in myself, and to do more on my own. I have never gotten back that joy and feeling "like I could belong somewhere", I once had in TERA. Not in any other game. I became more distant to gaming itself. By then, it had become something to pass time with. It still is.

I decided to start streaming at some point, hoping I could connect with others that way. Unfortionately, all I got was people telling me they wanted to see my boobs. Not my gameplay. I was emotionally lost for quite some time. Over the past years only 3 games (Minecraft, League of Legends, Starcraft II) have accomplished keeping me interested, and thats not because of the community.

StarCraft II

For a while I've been a game tester (and reviewer) for Black Shell Media. Unfortionately they stopped mailing keys for almost a year now. I contacted them about it and they told me they were working on it. Apparently there are some complications with key distributing. Its a real shame, because I really enjoyed doing this. Sure I've played games that were totally not my thing but I was allowed to write reviews for games. It made me feel like I was needed, that I did matter to somebody at least.

Last year Mtarnuhal came to me. I had just hooked up with a new boyfriend, Slayerkane, who encouraged me to play and stream more. I'm still a noob though, and I'm not so sure people like to watch me play...
Anyway. He came with an idea to start a gaming community. A place where gamers could meet and contact eachother. I immediately told him I was in. After all, I was still searching for that feeling I once had in TERA. I hope I can one day find it. Be here, or somewhere else.

My constant search and everyday struggle reflect on what I show on stream and in my videos. Add hearing loss to that and well... Sometimes I just really doubt I fit in. So if you're reading this, know that you're not the only one! We all have our moments. Our ups and downs. And who knows, one day you might be able to beat that one feeling you once had. Maybe not. But don't give up! Find people like you. People like me. Join Reliant Dragons :)

Welcome to my little blog

Hey everyone,

My name is Joyce. I'm from 1991 and I live in the Netherlands. I have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and PTSD. Yeah, alot happened... Anyway, on the net I usually go by as Metalharpey. I love gaming and arts. I game, I stream, I crochet, and occaisionally I think :P haha. I'm actually even part of the management of www.reliantdragons.com! Here my job is to post content on the social media platforms we have. Go check it out! All gamers are welcome :D I also have 2 cats who really test my patience, but they're great company anyway. 

Before sending me proposals and dickpics and all that, you should know I'm taken. My boyfriend Slayerkane is the best and I'm not going to trade him in for anything or anyone. Thanks!

So now that you "know" me, I can truly welcome you to my little blog. I had a different one before (you might know it but I'm not telling), but I saw this blogging thing gives me more of what I want/need in a blog. So yeah I switched sides :P Sorry tumblr!

Anyway, what can you expect? The name says it all... It's my little corner of madness. My thinking tank. My "idk where to put this rant, oh maybe here" thing.
No really. Aside from all the gaming and crochet related stuff you'll find little rants I find inappropriate to post on other media like Facebook, a lot of opinions and surely alot of ideas. If you can think of anything you want my POV about, you can always tell me and I'll think about it! :)

I want to welcome all comments, wether they are positive or negative. Just don't cross the invisible lines okay? Meaning don't be rude or post inappropriate stuff. You know, just behave :) There's kids here too. If that's okay with you, then I'd love to see what you think of what I think when I'm writing my thoughts. (can you keep up with me?)

"TTYL" - talk to you later.