What are friends? To me, friends are not just people you care for. That's something that has to be mutual, or it isn't real. Aside from that, friends are the people you want to care for, help them whenever they need you. And again, so should they for you. The people you want to share your joy with, but also your anger or sadness. And they should be there for you. Just as you should be there for them. Especially the latter made me realise last year that I don't really have any friends. Yes, the ones I considered friends, were people I would cross the earth for if I could. I would do anything to get a smile on their face. Hug them when needed, support them when needed. And so I did. For YEARS. But when the time came and I needed my friends, there weren't any. Well, my parents were there of course, but that is a different matter entirely. Apparently none of them felt the way I did. And that gave me a feeling of loneliness. Humans are naturally creatures that seek eachother out. Loneliness is something not many can handle. Therefore you always find them in groups, or at least in company of others. There are some exceptions, of course. The ones you would call "Loners". People who choose not to group up, instead find their peace in the solitude. I'm a loner too. Just not by choice. Yet I learned to accept this fact (the cats really help). It wasn't just loneliness last year, I also felt betrayed. Betrayed that nobody would actually care about me. That people were just taking advantage of me instead. I was angry, sad and alone. Many years ago that would lead to cutting myself. I'm glad I'm long past that. I decided to embrace the solitude instead. Trust only myself and help nobody else but me. It was time to put myself first. I was done with fake friends. I'm pretty sure some of those people would just account it to me instead of themselves. Of course it's so much easier to blame someone else than to see your own errors. I've never been like that. No, I've always been the one to get the blame. From everyone. Even if there was no ground for it at all. I learned to accept that I was always in the wrong. But no more. Last year I shut that door. Nobody cares for me, that's fine. But that also means that nobody is to blame me anymore. I cut myself loose from fake friendships and loose ends in my life. It feels alot better now. I'm used to being by myself, I have few I consider friends. And I know I can't expect too much, so I'm not expecting anything at all. One would call it aquiantances instead, but I'll let them say friend. I'm just focussing on me now. After all these years of putting others before me, I'm all that counts now. No more caring for others. You might think that's sad, but for me its liberating. It feels like I'm a little more free. Of course I still have a long way to go with everything that's going on in my life, but I'm getting there at least. And I'm not sad about it anymore. I can look at it with a positive face.
You know how some people like to complain about the now, while referring to "the good old days"? Well, I don't understand them. I mean, I know what they mean, but to me, my best days are in the now. I stopped living in the past. I accept whatever comes on my path and I try to look forward. Not to better days, well, maybe a little, but I can't say Im unhappy now. I have been depressed for quite a while, but it seems to be over... For now, anyway.
So, what's with those good old days hmm? Did you have a nice childhood? Or maybe your teens were your primetime? Not to me! I'll tell you why, so try to read on with an open mind. I don't want to be felt sorry for. The past is what made me who I am today, and I would do it all over again to get here if I had to.
So, childhood. A warm home where you can evolve into the future you. A place where you feel safe, even. Sound familiar? Not to me. My bio dad liked to beat me up on saturdays. No reason, really. Just a way for him to get rid of his anger he saved up from the past week. He didn't need a reason to start, but I could always sense it coming. A wrong look or comment was enough to pop him. Hell, even remaining silent, looking at the floor, didn't help. It didnt bother me as much as the rest though. Yes, there's more.
The emotional abuse was much worse to me. I was still a child, developing myself. I had a half sister (same father, different mother) that he fancied over me. Of course I was from the past marriage. A child he got stuck with, a child he didn't want. Anyway, when he got in his rage, he didn't look at where my sister was. Every time I felt it coming, I hid her in the closet, telling her to play a bear in hibernation. I was her spring, telling her to come out, when it was safe. One day she got bored of it, I guess. And she saw it. She got a heavy asthmatic attack, causing her to end up in the hospital. Of course my dad told everyone it was my fault that I didn't warn him in time, that we were playing too rough.
When she got better, she either got too scared to tell, or she really didn't remember. I thought, and hoped, that it was the latter, that she really didn't know. From that day on, her mother shunned me. I was no longer welcome (well, she always looked at me as if I was a pest). My dad also wouldnt let her come on saturdays anymore and eventually she forgot about me too, I guess. It's okay though, shes happy so I won't shake up her life. I'll carry this for both of us.
Aside from that, he also threathened me with if I'd ever tell anyone about being his personal punching bag, he would come to my house and kill my mother. As a child I of course didn't realise that I should go to the police, or whatever. I did try telling my mother once, but because she confronted my dad with me on the spot, I told her that I lied. I couldn't risk it. After all, she was pregnant with my baby brother (she remarried). Then my dad changed his threat into killing my mother and my brother, so I didn't speak of it again for a long time. Of course, because of those events (what he said and what I did), nobody believed me anymore anyway. Though I never lied...
So, that's one thing. But because of this, I wasn't sure on how to actually communicate with others. In my heart, I knew violence wasn't the answer. I tried to be nice, but I only got taken advantage of that way. But at that point, I was just happy someone actually saw me. I felt invisible to the world. When I was little, and unable to even say anything about the abuse at my dads, people thought I was odd. I was acting out. Every damaged person would think something's up, but nobody bothered with finding out.
Even when my mother suspected something was up, she was told in court that I had to keep going to my dads every saturday. Apparently there was no proof that it was him, and of course he blamed my new stephdad instead. Yes, my dad is a huge asshole, a snake that always seems to get in the right, no matter how much he twists a story. When I heard about this (late teens) I was shocked. I always thought she never tried. Well, I guess that explains her depression before she got my brother, amongst other things.
And that's where we get to teens. And I'm telling you, that was even worse. I remember very well the despair and longing to leave this world. My life got worse by the day. I was already invisible and unheard by everyone I knew. Everyone but one. My grandfather. When I got to the age of 15, I was diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder). The first shrink I got was the best I ever had. I couldn't see that then, but there has never been one like him, who actually saw a girl instead of a patient.
My mother and stephfather (I'll just refer to them as parents) put me on an "after school club". Yeah, a club for derailed kids like me. Not their best idea, for that's where I first experienced sexual harassment, smoking people (that didn't listen to me), and drugs. Of course I didn't start smoking or doing drugs, I had no reason for wanting to fit in, nor did I care about what others thought of me (I was invisible anyway). So, after a day of getting bullied in school, I had to bike my way there, to deliver another battle before dinner and have a sleepless night. That was pretty much my day. And after that "joke" of you showing your dick and telling me to suck it, I got even more on edge. I was happy when I got away from there. Unfortionately more shrinks took their place...
Anyway, at that time I got even more depressed with life. The only thing that could comfort me was my siamese cat, Anoki, and eating with my grandfather at his home on thursdays. Until one day, I had a school assignment. I decided to cancel dinner with him so I could work on it. Not long after I got home, my mother got a call. She looked at me, crying, and told me my grandfather had died. Time stopped. Tears rolling down my face. I saw my mother, then everything went black. I didn't pass out or anything, I just felt like I fell into the void. A big nothing. I shook my head and asked her to repeat what she said. She asked me if I wanted to go there, then she was crying uncontrollably.
Somehow my senses kicked in. I hugged her, took a step back and called a friend. The girl I was doing the assignment with lived a street from my grandfather. I told her what happened and asked her if she could go there to pick up the school assignment. She only needed to add pictures and write her part (i was going to do that for her because of her home situation). She told me not to worry. I wad glad she showed up on site. She kept her word. One of the very few people I can say that of.
Anyway, once I was there, I felt sorry for all the people who had to miss my grandfather now. His wife was long gone (after 7 yrs bedridden by multiple sclerosis), but his neighbor was his girlfriend. She was there too, but after this very day, she couldn't step inside there anymore. I saw my grandfather, looking pale, feeling cold. But somehow, I felt at ease. I thought I could feel him. I walked to his bird room and freed his favorite. His sister caught me and dragged my mom to get me. They thought I was being weird again, but hey, I was already the odd one so nobody really cared. That brief moment of release, I felt peace. I'm sure that was my grandfather, telling me he was still there, keeping an eye out.
Well, after that we had his cremation funeral. I couldn't speak. The priest took over for me. I felt stupid, but the words just wouldn't come out anymore. I didn't eat for at least a week, and I didn't speak for nearly 2 months. I decided not to go to my bio dad anymore. There was a hole inside me. I had several suicide attemps back then, life just wasn't worth it for me. But I couldn't do it. I'm sure my grandfather was there, pulling me back. Eventually I gave up, and so cutting myself became a habit to feel numb. I was done with life. It gave me nothing but misery. I wish it ended there, but it didn't.
Not long after, my cat disappeared. At home we had door rules, but since my brother loved to hang on the door handles, they often wouldnt entirely close. Somehow Anoki managed to sneak out (he loved to be outside so I carried him in the yard sometimes), and somehow nobody noticed. Of course, I was the one who got the blame. I wasn't even surprised by that anymore. I spent weeks biking through the neighborhood, hanging posters, calling and searching. I even "hired" a person (when she heard about my age she wouldnt accept my money) who claimed she could communicate with animals. She told me he was indoors and that was the reason I couldn't find him. After a long time (about 2 months) we found him nearby. My parents took him to the vet, but when I saw him... I knew.
He came home to say goodbye. I could feel it. I held him for a while, so he could listen to my heartbeat. My stephdad stayed up all night to wake by his side. Next morning we saw him taking his last breath. I positioned him with a blanket so it wouldnt scare my brother too much. And you know the funny thing, I had the same feeling as I had with my grandfather. I felt relieved, free, and at peace.
So, I lost 2 of my life pillars. My so called red thread. I was lost. I couldn't get out of bed anymore, or even go to school. I didn't care about food or sunshine. I was a living corpse. In that time I lost more "friends", and got sexually abused by an ex boyfriend. I went to the police for it, but of course they didn't take me seriously (they made me wait for 2 months and by then I was done with it). I was sick of life, sick of society.
Then I turned 18. Yes, the coming of age. I never thought I'd make it. But it wasn't something positive to me, it meant moving out of the house. To live with a group of other damaged young adults, with a 24h watch. It wasn't much better than living with a father that was always working, a mother that eventually turned out to have some disorder as well (she often twisted my story and I never knew why), and a brother with Asperger whose hobby apparently was to make my life hell. He didn't really succeed at that, because to me, I was already there. But, the worst was yet to come.
I got sick of being monitored all the time, so I fled. I moved in with a guy, 8 years older than me, who had a child from a previous marriage, and lived almost 180km away from my hometown. I thought it could be love, but I guess he just wanted to own me. Not soon after, he forbade me to talk to other people on the streets, then he wouldnt let me go out of the house, and then he would even talk to others for me. I was a prisoner. He made me do everything he wanted, including taking full care of his son. He didn't care about him, he was just his possession. Just like me. I taught the boy everything I could. His mother grew jealous of me. Her son asked of me all the time.
Too bad his father had no intention to work for it. After he lost his job he grew paranoid. He wanted to know who I chatted with online, full insight to my phone, email and chats. Until at some point he decided to hit me when I said no. It was like I was with my bio father all over again. Flashbacks came, and in a rage I blacked out. I woke up with bruises and a broken umbrella, glad to see him in bruises as well. It didn't take long until I decided to leave him (I stayed with him for 4 years, to protect his son against him). He stalked me, and refused to give me back my things. Eventually he gave back some, including our cat, Minoes. Which gave me alot of trouble (never been to a vet with her before and my parents had pets of their own), but I refused to give her up.
Me and my parents tried to fight for my things. In total, a worth of €20.000 in stuff and savings. He stalled alot, didn't meet deadlines, and refused to cooporate even a little... He lied and tried to push it all in my shoes, after all Im the one with BPD. I was hurt. So hurt. I knew it would be hard, but my parents thought I couldn't do it. They asked me to give up. If they hadn't supported me with funds for my own place, I doubt I would still be here. I had to let go. Not only of the injustice done to me (not just this, the abuse too), but also of my past.
You see, I took my collections with me. He tried to break me by breaking up those and sending only parts back. I had several things that belonged to my grandfather, dvd's and games I borrowed from people... All gone. I was left with a cat, which also gained a trauma (she pisses everywhere when uneasy). So it wasnt just me anymore. Now I had a reason to live. My cat needed me more than anyone ever would. I couldn't leave her.
That's when I decided to live. For her, and eventually for me. I can't trust anyone, so I'll just live for me. I'll always be alone, even when I'm surrounded by people. And I want to. I want to be alone. For people only ever brought me hurt. Justice doesn't excist in this world, only survival.
Maybe some day I'll think differently. Maybe. But right now im way too busy trying to love again. And to do it the right way this time. So no, there are no "good old days" for me. Only hurt. I can only hope for better days. But right now, I'm happier than I ever was. And that's fine with me.
So, what caused me to wanting to share this story? Well, have you seen "Thirteen reasons why"? No? Go watch it then. You'll see what a story like mine can do to someone. Someone not as "strong" as me. Yes, I was weak for a long time. But right now, there isn't much that can actually break me.
And really, it's not just me. There's others like me with a story like this. Not everyone survives. So I hope people can start thinking before they act.
Social media is used alot. Some people even find it necessairy to post what they eat, or what the weather is like. But there's also posts that make no sense at all. I'm reading it and I'm thinking... Has this person absolutely gone stupid? Then again, it seems like social media is being used more and more as diary entries, altered to fit to everyones liking. As if there's no more personal opinion...
More and more I realise I'm not such a person. I'm still someone who searches for challenges, decent conversations on high level and loves to debate about stuff. More and more I'm asking myself if the world is becoming more stupid because of the internet?
You see teens questioning themselves, criticizing not only themselves but others too. You're too fat, too skinny, ugly, too much or too little make-up... Media and model perfectionism have always been harsh. Every generation had to struggle with this. Yet it seems almost as if our teens these days can no longer think for themselves. All they care for is looks. If you don't belong in the group, you don't belong in the world?
Outcasts, such as myself, often get treated as if they would be better off dead. Why? What is wrong with a challenging mind? What is wrong with not caring about how someone looks, but rather how they act, what their character is like? I don't understand any of those people. And yes, it's people. Because it's not only teens, generations grow old too. They are the adults of our future.
Countries are led into devastation as well. It doesn't matter what you vote for, because elections are rigged anyway. Everywhere. Politicians that just seem to be too dumb to even drive a car, are leading our countries into ruin. Money spent, but not on their own people. It's okay if they starve, politicians need to keep up the good face towards the rest of the world. "Oh that country is so generous"... Sure, but have you got any idea how many are struggling there? They could use support as well, but they will never get it. At most, it will only get worse.
As someone who has BPD, I'm often not taken seriously. You have a sickness, you don't count. Go cry in a corner. There's alot of people like me though, people willing to seek out the truth. Yet we can't, we're not allowed to. Whenever we speak our minds about it, we get more drugs to change us back into followers, or even get locked up for it. Which is exactly what governments need. No questions asked, just work until it breaks you down or you die.
I don't understand why I'm being misunderstood so much. But I really do question the sanity and ability to understand others, in others. "My language" isn't that hard to understand, I think. I can have plenty of meaningful conversations with high educated people. It's just that, even though I'm a woman, you'll never hear me about petty things such as looks, food dishes or the weather. And if I do, it's to question things, or philophosize about things.
I'm someone who loves to gather information, to explore the net and learn from it. Yet sometimes it's as if I can feel my brain cells die because of the stupidity I see, or read. It's frustrating not having everyone on the same page. I expected so much more of humanity. I can say for sure that becoming an adult was the hardest and most annoying thing ever. Learning to do it all alone, because people around you don't have the brain capacity like you do. They can't keep up with you and apparently that makes you the weirdo. I expected more intelligent conversations, instead of talking about meaningless petty things... Well, I guess it's a let down :) stupidity is everywhere.
The most anticipated game of 2016!
And, of course I started playing this too. My never ending search of commitment and need of feeling part of a game/guild came to an end. Well, that's what I thought anyway. Truth is, I started playing this on my own. I'm actually kind of a loner when it comes to these games. When I'm not head of a guild (or any high rank) I don't feel like I fit in. I have trouble adjusting. I guess I just want to feel needed... Or something like that.
For a while, that was fine. I was waiting on a friend to invite me to a guild. But soon I started feeling left out. It took a long time before he even invited me, because of his own grinding with parties they made on beforehand. You see, there were different packages you could buy. My friend and a bunch of people I know got the most expensive pack and had a 3 day head start on us. Before the game launched they discussed tactics etc on what to rush. I'm not a rusher, so I was left out on this.
After a while, I got bored of grinding. It's just not my thing. My friend helped me out, but he was complaining about me being unable to keep up (I kinda died alot in the process) and him having to spend alot of gold on pots. I get that, I really do. I'm just not a hardcore grinder and without good gear you just die if you're not careful. As a novice witch (really I didn't even know my combos yet), I had a hard time keeping up with a full fledged ranger that knew exactly what to do and when to do it. Anyhow, of course I was grateful. My friend told me to grind more, for silver (the in-game money). But I just couldn't do it. I was alone all the time, undergeared and it was just nagging on me.
I went for a knowledge hunt instead. Doing quests, talking to NPCs to raise amity etc. Somewhere along the quests I got lost. I went back to grinding every now and then because I didn't know what to do anymore. Black Desert is huge. It has a huge amount of content, and you get overloaded with quests. As a new player this was very intimidating. I didn't realize it would. Anyway, nobody was my level, nor did they want to make a second char to level with me. I was stuck on quests, grinding got boring, gathering took too long imo, so I started farming. (Yes I tried alot lol. I just love the diversity!)
By then I had several chars I could switch on, and I found out that knowledge is shared amongst family members (your chars). This really excited me. I started to give all of my chars a different job in the game, and only kept a few to level with. Those I also used to grind knowledge with (you get knowledge on mobs after killing a random amount). I was fascinated, but the soloing got the best of me. It just got less and less interesting. Even more so because of my personal situation, the guild started falling apart... I fell back into depression and sought other things to do.
I went back to Black Desert a while after, when I found out my new boyfriend-to-be (we werent really together yet), was also playing it. We made a new guild and we played together sometimes. He is a hardcore grinder, so we also had several chars we played solo and the game was more interesting to me. However, I was of course much more interested in him at that point. We played more League of Legends than BDO, so again it died on my end (also because my farm got removed due inactivity T^T). He also didn't play it much anymore (just logging sometimes for event) after he moved in with me.
Just recently, BDO launched a new class. This got him playing again and he asked me to join him. He has a job like every normal person, I dont. But thats good, because now I can actually keep up with him! xD I still get distracted alot in the game, but they added some new content (daily rewards based on levels, life levels and knowledge) which actually gets me going! We dont really play together that much now, but hes with me in the same room. I think that's what I was missing, an actual person next to me playing games. Just like me. Just so I'm not alone, even if I play solo. I love it like this.
We dont really have much people online in the guild. That's because they work too, they have their own lives filled with gfs, kids, family, work, hobbies and other stuff. I feel connected again. And it feels good. They all know I have a limited hearing and they're okay with it. It means alot to me, to actually be accepted. This is what a community does. And I hope we can make even more connections with other gamers. Gamers like my bf, bold and hardcore. Gamers like me, insecure, at times and just a little different from the usual. And of course... Gamers like you!
Definition of "offending" : to cause (a person or group) to feel hurt, angry, or upset by something said or done.
Now that we know what it means, what does it do? Ever since we invented "racism", religion, and more like that, we see different opinions about subjects. We fight, we argue, we feel "offended". So in a way it can be seen as an emotion. When it comes to emotions and opinions, we're in the grey. There's no black or white area on this. Everybody should be allowed to have their own opinion about things. However, this entire post might even be considered offensive for even bringing it up. I ask you not to judge right away, read it "from a distance" instead of feeling this is aimed at you. It's not. It's just one of my rants again and the chances are high that I don't even know you :)
I personally think "feeling offended" is something people say much too often. Simply stating facts can hit close to home. While they really just are facts. There should be no emotions when discussing such.
This shirt is black. "Oh hell NO, you're just being offensive now"...Really?
The biggest groups feeling hurt (and so, offended) all the time, are those involved with religion and racism. I won't start at religion, because in my opinion, all that really is, is a floating idea to a "better" place for scarred (poor/depressed/scared/lost) people who need something to live forward to. It's fine if you believe in something, but don't get mad at me that I don't. Yes I'm godless and totally fine with that, thank you.
What I do want to talk about is racism. I don't support it, but I don't believe in it either. In my eyes, every person is equal. We all have the same guts inside of us, and we're all human. We differ from animals, which is enough for me. I agree, some groups are not treated as equal. I'm not okay with that. But still, if everyone would be treated the same, and could let go of their differences, I'm sure the world would be alot more peaceful.
I find it hard to see the groups who are feeling the most offended, often use racism in their advantanges. That's just wrong. How can you want to be equal if you're only using racism to prove you're a victim. Sure like I said before, not everyone is treated as equals. But, be honest. Would you treat a chicken like a penguin? No. So stop trying to be different! Get out of that victim role and start behaving yourself as an equal.
"People will always walk over the weak. That's just how people are. Don't act weak, so you avoid being walked over."
Just an example, and yes I know some of you will not approve, but that's okay.
I often hear black Americans (yes I'm being specific here because Europeans do it a whole lot less) say things like they feel offended by something, and the argument they use is "but black people were slaves".
Well, did you know there were (and still are) more white slaves than black slaves? Sure, it sucks. But you live in the now, and you aren't a slave, so how does that even matter? You don't hear white people say this! They don't act like victims. They all know about slavery too, but it's not their fault either. That was something of the past. Leave it there and move on.
Look at fat people. (Most) are nice, and don't call skinny people names for no reason. Sure, maybe a joke here and there but that should be okay. After all it's just a joke -.- But then the other party, the skinny people, do call fat people names. I don't get that. Really, what did they even do to you? It's almost like they're jealous. You don't know what lies beneath (pun intended) "all that fat", just like they won't know what's up with you.
I've learned myself not to judge based on emotions, but facts. I can get mad at my red sweater all day, but that doesn't make it purple! Learn to let go. To step aside, breathe, and look at things in another perspective. Put your differences aside and look at what you got in common. It's probably more than you think.
"If we want a better world, we would have to start with ourselves."
Bullying is something you see often. Kids being called names by others kids, or even grown ups. I don't like it when I see it, and I'm someone who opens their mouth when it shows.
"Go pick on someone your own size."
I know, right? In real life you can do this. However, on the net that becomes alot more difficult. Most of us teach our kids to walk away and ignore the bullies. To go get help from the teachers when it happens at school. Or ring the nearest doorbell you find when on the streets.
"If they want stuff from you, don't give it. Because once they got it, they will use you again."
Most kids that get bullied stand out already. But theres really nothing wrong with being yourself. Alot of bullied kids get emotional problems, or stay scarred for a long time. Yet I can't bring myself to stay mad at the bullies either. Most of those kids and adults have had problems at home, causing them to get emotionally scarred as well. However that doesn't mean I'm okay with them bullying others. I just think we should start at the root of the problem.
"Bullying and acting-out behavior is a cry for help. Well, most of the time anyway."
That is often the parents. No, I'm not accusing anyone of anything, but there's a big world out there and even as a parent you might not always see the danger your child is in. Some parents raise their children too protective, some too loose with no boundaries. Emotional attachment is important too, but not too much. You want your child to feel loved, not suffocated. Give them enough space to develop themselves, but also try to keep them safe from harm.
"Everyone should be given the chance to become who they want to be."
I'm sure by now most parents will hate me, so let's go back to the start.
Cyber bullying. Much more dangerous than the old skool personal vendettas. The internet is a great place for information, but also the perfect tool to emotionally destroy as well. Our children should be taught the dangers of the net. If not, there's a big chance they will find out the hard way. Literally everything you post on the net is public.
"Everything can, and will be used against you."
Yeah, pretty much. But things like chat logs and such also get saved on the net. Perfect to blackmail someone who's cheating on their partners, or finding frauds, perverts, etc. Cyber bullying comes in many forms and theres often not much you can do about it. Still, it often develops into slander (bad mouthing) rather then just a prank or whatever. Thats why we should all keep an eye on eachother when posting photos, updates etc. Sensitive information should be left out so you can never really become a target.
"Private matters should remain private."
So, what can you do when you see someone being cyber bullied? Or when it's you who is being bullied?
When it involves children only, try to contact the parents and/or school to have them talk it out. You can also go to the police if it becomes really bad.
If you don't know who the other party is, all you can really do is try to contact the bully and explain to them why you don't like what they do. If they do not listen, you can try to contact a site admin. You can go to the police for this too, but unless it's severe, I doubt they'll be of much help.
"Above all, try to remain calm. They will only like it when you struggle."
If you see someone being publicly slandered or harassed, like on a forum or chatroom, you can of course try to defend them. However, contacting an admin is probably the best idea there. That way you'll avoid becoming a target yourself. And nobody can accuse you of anything you didn't do.
"How can you protect someone without getting cover yourself first?"
Sometimes it's a good idea to get help in a community before acting on your own. This is what I usually do before contacting an admin. It doesn't always work though. There's a chance they have friends there, which - if you ask for help - will make you look like the bad guy. As if it wasn't bad enough already! Well, in the end, it's important to keep it in the back of your mind:
"Some people are just like that. They don't change. It's just sad."
Okay, I'm not entirely sure if the title says what I'd like to discuss... But here goes!
You know, those random adds on Facebook, well they don't really bother me. I'm a free spirit, a gamer, and I'm always in to make more friends. Or at least to get to know more people. I love to connect with other gamers. They always intrigued me much more than the regular folks.
Well anyway, what does bother me is that apparently none of those non-gamers (or at least most of them) won't read your profile. My profile, for example, shows all details you could possibly want to know about me, so you won't have to ask me. And so I won't have to answer the same questions over and over again. All information on it is information I'm willing to share. Private information is of course private and even if you ask me, you might not get the answer you want. You see, I need intelligent people around me, people who challenge me to use my brain. If you can't keep up with me it's highly likely that I'll lose any interest I might have had.
Then, reliligous posts. Something I absolutely do not get. I just don't understand religion. In my opinion it's just floaty business that the lower class (as in needy people) needs. It's fine if you believe in something. That's your right. But leave me out of it. You will not get any understanding from me so just don't even try okay! So all those "Omg this girl is so sad let's hear an amen" posts... I don't want to see them. They are attention seeking posts and I absolutely hate attention seeking people. Yes life is unfair. It sucks ass and theres nothing you can do about that. Saying amen really isn't going to change anything. All you can do is look at it positively. And yes that's always an option.
Being female on any social media can be a real pain. Unwanted friend requests, chats, calls via messenger and yes even nudity photo's! Aside from the annoying fact that nobody even bothers looking at your profile (yes you can actually add people at random without checking it). All those inappropriate questions like what size my bra is or if I like doggystyle is really none of your business and very disrespectful. It shows no respect to women in general if you open a chat with questions like that, or nudity photo's. So, you send me a photo of your c*ck. Great, so now what? You want me to pet it? Get a life. Learn some respect for women and then come back and show you're a man instead of a mommy's boy. Because that's all they really are... Disrespectful little kids with mommy issues that no woman would ever want to date, or have a relationship with.
I think I can say for sure, that everyone has had the coming problem with some people... Monotone dialogs. "How are you?" "Good thanks, you?" "I'm good too!" "Okay!" And there it ends. Yet somehow some people manage to do this every day, to the same people over and over again. One must wonder why. I really don't understand people who ask me how I'm doing. The only answer you'll ever get (unless we're close or family) is "fine ty". This also cuts off further chatting on purpose. It's a subtle hint that most people don't seem to understand. Why would you even want to know? If it's to show interest, then why not chat about gaming? Or crochet or music or something... How I feel is really not of any interest, nor helping anybody. I need useful chats. This will just have me lose interest.
So you may think now, what a difficult woman. Well, maybe to some. But most of my friends call me a dude for a reason. I'm not into all that floaty sh*t. I'm a Taurus, down to earth, loving facts and intelligent conversations. Many of you won't understand me. And that's totally fine. I don't chat to be understood. I chat to be challenged, to find out what other people think about certain things. See if i can understand why they think that.
Challenge me to use my brain and I won't get bored.
